A New Masculinity
Credit: Hans Erni
Men have always been a mystery to me. I grew up living with lots of women, I went to girl’s schools and a women’s college. As a little girl, I was taught to fear men, told they only wanted “one thing”. This was meant to keep me safe. But in reality, it dehumanized men in my mind.
This is how patriarchy harms men. It teaches them, and everyone else, that their inherent nature is to dominate. We all internalize this dangerous definition of masculinity, to varying degrees.
But humans aren't apes. We may have tendencies toward domination, but they’re not inevitable.
The real problem is that we live in a patriarchal society built on the belief that masculinity requires domination.
Those who hold the most power – billionaires, politicians, Supreme Court justices – are often men who have used principles of domination to reach those positions. They've accumulated vast power and actively work to make the world even more patriarchal so they can amass more power.
Just consider the Arizona Supreme Court's recent ruling to reinstate a 160-year-old abortion ban. Having just given birth myself, I'm even more convinced that forced birth is torture and akin to slavery. Forced birth is an act of pure domination.
The Arizona Supreme Court Justices
These anti-abortion rulings are coinciding with a rise in "masculinity" influencers who encourage young men and boys to view the world through a hierarchy and degrade women. To them, being “alpha” is what it means to be a "real man."
Are these patriarchal outbursts a backlash against increasing equality? A tantrum from men who feel their traditional power slipping away? Perhaps.
But the danger is that these men have real power. They can change the lives of millions with their decisions because our society is controlled by corporations, militaries, and the men who lead them.
We must never underestimate the power of patriarchy or the ability of these men to turn our future into a technocratic Handmaid's Tale hellscape.
But there's hope. Many men recognize the harms of patriarchy and are actively dismantling it. Just look at the discussions happening in spaces like r/MensLib – these are men reading and engaging with bell hooks!
To create a different future, we need to find the men who are doing this work and join forces with them. We must all question the narratives we've been taught about masculinity - that men are doomed to dominate, or to "only want one thing". We must create a new definition of masculinity - together.
We must constantly remind ourselves that men are human beings who want love and to matter. This is deeply radical work, because everything in our society goes against this narrative, including the behavior of powerful and visible men.
Though the forces of patriarchy seem strong, there's always hope. Movements toward equality and men who reject toxic masculinity show us that a healed future is possible.
💎 Gems of the week:
1. An interesting perspective on color-blindness in antiracist work.
"Go in the mirror, look in your eyes, and say: I love you. I really, really love you."
3. A simple quote on celebrating the beauty of authenticity:
"Whatever seed you are, bloom."- Atticus
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